TRACY Well, I brought my own '45s,' so if you put 'em on, I'll show you my stuff! LOU ANN Haven't you already shown us enough? {The Council Girls snicker.) VELMA Oh my god How times have changed This girl's either blind Or completely deranged Ah, but time seemed to halt When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Childhood dreams For me were cracked When that damn Shirley Temple Stole my frickin' act But the crown's in the vault From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges They padded their 'cups' But I screwed the judges Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Not a chance! Cause I hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting high 'C's And preparing souffles! But that triple somersault Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs"! VELMA Proceed... TAMMY Are you scared we're on live? TRACY No, I'm sure I can cope! AMBER Well, this show isn't broadcast in... COUNCIL GIRLS ...Cinemascope! VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs" SHELLEY How many sweaters do you own? TRACY Well, I'm sure I've got plenty Let's see, I have three...five?... Wait, I have twenty!! VELMA I would say 'Oy gevalt' If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs"! A tycoon I wed So cuddly and funny The old fart dropped dead But left tons of money So I bought this station VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS So all of the nation Could see VELMA Baby Amber and me! AMBER Do you dance like you dress? LINK Amber, there's no need to be cruel! VELMA Would you swim in an integrated pool? (The Council Members gasp.) TRACY I sure would. I'm all for integration, it's The New Frontier! VELMA Not in Baltimore it isn't! And may I be frank? First impressions can be tough And when I saw you, I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it! And so, my dear, so short and stout You'll never be "in" VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS So we're kicking you out! VELMA You can't get past me kid But it isn't your fault VELMA & COUNCIL MEMBERS It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore... VELMA ...Crabs!" You may go. TRACY Um... thank you? PENNY Gee Tracy, that went well! (Li'l Inez runs on.) LI'L INEZ Hello, may I please audition? VELMA No, but you can bow and exalt! 'Cause I am "Miss Baltimore... VELMA & THE COUNCIL MEMBERS ...Crabs"! Crabs, Crabs!!! Thanks to Will for these lyrics
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Copy to Clipboard: TRACY Well, I brought my own '45s,' so if you put 'em on, I'll show you my stuff! LOU ANN Haven't you already shown us enough? {The Council Girls snicker.) VELMA Oh my god How times have changed This girl's either blind Or completely deranged Ah, but time seemed to halt When I was "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Childhood dreams For me were cracked When that damn Shirley Temple Stole my frickin' act But the crown's in the vault From when I won "Miss Baltimore Crabs" Those poor runner-ups Might still hold some grudges They padded their 'cups' But I screwed the judges Those broads thought they'd win If a plate they would spin in their dance Not a chance! Cause I hit the stage Batons ablaze While belting high 'C's And preparing souffles! But that triple somersault Was how I clinched "Miss Baltimore Crabs"! VELMA Proceed... TAMMY Are you scared we're on live? TRACY No, I'm sure I can cope! AMBER Well, this show isn't broadcast in... COUNCIL GIRLS ...Cinemascope! VELMA I never drank one chocolate malt No, no desserts for "Miss Baltimore Crabs" SHELLEY How many sweaters do you own? TRACY Well, I'm sure I've got plenty Let's see, I have three...five?... Wait, I have twenty!! VELMA I would say 'Oy gevalt' If I wasn't "Miss Baltimore Crabs"! A tycoon I wed So cuddly and funny The old fart dropped dead But left tons of money So I bought this station VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS So all of the nation Could see VELMA Baby Amber and me! AMBER Do you dance like you dress? LINK Amber, there's no need to be cruel! VELMA Would you swim in an integrated pool? (The Council Members gasp.) TRACY I sure would. I'm all for integration, it's The New Frontier! VELMA Not in Baltimore it isn't! And may I be frank? First impressions can be tough And when I saw you, I knew it If your size weren't enough Your last answer just blew it! And so, my dear, so short and stout You'll never be "in" VELMA & COUNCIL GIRLS So we're kicking you out! VELMA You can't get past me kid But it isn't your fault VELMA & COUNCIL MEMBERS It's hard to get rid of "Miss Baltimore... VELMA ...Crabs!" You may go. TRACY Um... thank you? PENNY Gee Tracy, that went well! (Li'l Inez runs on.) LI'L INEZ Hello, may I please audition? VELMA No, but you can bow and exalt! 'Cause I am "Miss Baltimore... VELMA & THE COUNCIL MEMBERS ...Crabs"! Crabs, Crabs!!! Thanks to Will for these lyrics
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